Go, Go, AARGH!
by Luthien Tinuviel
Summary: It's 'The Sequel' to Go,go,goal! Yes, I finally got 'round to it, and promise it'll be even more HP/LOTR Crossover craziness! A long expected Chapter 3!
1. Two sides at a table

DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything except.well, okay, I don't own anything- don't look at me like that!  
  
Yup, it's the long expected sequel to 'Go, go, goal', which I suggest you read first if you haven't. I know, it's a bother, but c'mon, this won't make much sense otherwise!  
  
Alright then, let's get on with it, shall we?  
  
Gandalf the White, formerly the Grey, stared across the ten-foot long table. At the other end, Albus Dumbledore stared gravely back at him, stroking a large animatronic phoenix.  
  
In between the two great wizard people, there sat a number of other beings. On the left side of the table sat the people Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry revolved around- Harry Potter, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger, Draco Malfoy, Professors Severus Snape and Minerva McGonagall, and Rubeus Hagrid the Gamekeeper. There for good measure were Fred, George and Percy Weasley and Cedric Diggory.  
  
On the right of the table sat Gandalf's posse; Aragorn, son of Arathorn, Legolas Prince of Mirkwood, Frodo Baggins, Samwise Gamgee, Meriadoc Brandybuck, Peregrin Took, Gimli, son of Gloin, and Elrond Halfelven. For balancing the number of women on both sides were Arwen, daughter of Elrond and Eowyn of Rohan. And, of course, Boromir, son of Denethor.  
  
"Hey!" Boromir said suddenly, glaring at the ceiling, "Why are the dead guys last?"  
  
"Because they're dead, Boromir!" said Aragorn exasperatedly.  
  
Boromir crossed his arms and pouted, but that was all he could do, because the author was almighty.  
  
"Do you know why we are here, Mister Dumbledore?" asked Elrond, sleek shades glinting in the sun.  
  
"Oh, I know, I know!" squealed Hermione, arm waving in the air frantically. Probably deciding it was possible only for her to know, she stood up and began to ramble.  
  
"You shall not stand up!" screeched Gandalf. Hermione fell over under the impact of his yelling.  
  
"We are here," said Dumbledore gravely, "To discuss the annual Olympics, this time to be held in Hogwarts-"  
  
"Hogwarts?" asked Aragorn. "You mean Gondor, right?"  
  
"No," Dumbledore continued gravely. "Hogwarts."  
  
"Hey!" said Legolas. "If Aragorn says it'll be in Gondor, it'll be in Gondor!"  
  
"I agree with blondie!" said Eowyn firmly.  
  
"Right," said Legolas. "Wait! Who do you think you're calling blondie, you platinum haired freak?"  
  
Eowyn got up angrily, but Malfoy, who seemed to have been scanning the room for some silly high place to sit, looked at Legolas and said "Sorry, did you ask me something?  
  
Before Legolas could answer, Gandalf bellowed again, to Eowyn this time, "You shall not stand up!"  
  
Then, calmly as ever, he said, "It will be held in Gondor. Period"  
  
"Speaking of periods." said Snape, looking at Harry. "You are missing mine by attending this meeting, Mr. Potter. That loses you five hundred points from Gryffindor."  
  
But Harry was far too dumb to figure this out, so he kept mum.  
  
"The Olympics will be held in Hogwarts, because Dumbledore says so!" boomed Hagrid.  
  
"Maybe we can get to that later," said Pippin. "I'm getting hungry. Get to the point."  
  
"This is the point, Pip," said Merry.  
  
"Oh good, then." Said Pippin happily. "If we've got to the point, then I can go!"  
  
He stood up, but Gandalf screamed, "You shall not stand up!" again, and as he sat down he added, "Fool of a Took."  
  
Pippin stuck his tongue out at Gandalf, but the Wizard saw him and started yelling, "You shall not-"  
  
"You have very limited lines, haven't you?" asked Cedric Diggory.  
  
"Not as few as me!" exclaimed Boromir.  
  
Frodo rolled his enormous blue eyes.  
  
"Don't you roll your dumb blue eyes at me, you Hobbit! You haven't spoken yet at all!" exclaimed Boromir.  
  
Frodo glanced at Sam. The loyal gardener Hobbit said, "Mr. Frodo's fighting a terrible eternal battle against the powers of the dark and evil One Ring, so he has no time to talk."  
  
"And besides," he continued, "I made him some fudge for him and it's not polite to talk with your mouth full."  
  
Pippin looked at Frodo greedily. Frodo ignored him.  
  
"Well, since where the Olympics will be held is NOT why we're here," said Prof. McGonagall. "Let's get to the point."  
  
"Fine," said Gandalf. "The Olympics will be held in a few weeks' time, so that you can all be physically fit. The Olympics will consist of random Olympic sports, and football."  
  
"Football?" asked Harry.  
  
"Yes, football." Said Gandalf.  
  
"Will it be as bad as last time?" asked Ron with a groan.  
  
"Last time wasn't bad." Said Arwen. "Not much, anyway."  
  
"What did you do to Glorfindel?" asked Legolas quietly.  
  
"NOTHING!" screeched Arwen.  
  
"It was bad." Said Percy. "I wasn't given any prefecting rights. Hopefully the regulations of the Olympics clearly state the privileges to be-"  
  
"Shut up Percy," said Fred Weasley. "The most they'll do for you is let you polish your badge in the middle of a game."  
  
Percy stood up to retort. Bad idea, of course.  
  
"You shall not stand up!" shouted Gandalf.  
  
"Yes I SHALL!" yelled Percy. "I'm a prefect and I can stand up whenever I want to!"  
  
"You shall not stand up!" screamed Gandalf again.  
  
"I will if I want to!!!" yelled Percy.  
  
"Please," said Dumbledore quietly, getting up himself. "Stop yelling."  
  
"Shut up!" yelled Gandalf. "I won't listen to you! Your beard is moulting! You shall not stand up!"  
  
Dumbledore looked highly offended. Hagrid stood up angrily. "At least his beard's better than yers! Who're yer pretending ter be, Father Christmas?"  
  
Gandalf had enough. He stood up calmly and climbed onto the table. "I am the Servant of the-"  
  
"You're a SERVANT?" asked Malfoy, in disbelief.  
  
"Like a House Elf?" asked Harry. "Don't worry, I'll free you!" He stood up and began pulling off his sock.  
  
"Eeeww!" squealed Arwen, "that is, like, so gross!"  
  
Gandalf ignored them and continued. "-of the secret fire, wielder of the Flame of Anor! I SAY YOU SHALL NOT STAND!!!" and with that, he raised his staff and broke the table into two clean halves. Since he was standing on the table, he went crashing with it, unconscious.  
  
"Gandalf!" exclaimed Frodo, "you smote the table!"  
  
"Oh whoop-de-do," muttered Boromir.  
  
"Silence, Boromir!" said Professor McGonagall.  
  
"No," said Boromir, sounding suspiciously like Isildur.  
  
"You can't sound like Isildur!" cried Legolas, leaping up, "Only Aragorn can sound like Isildur. He is Isildur's heir, and heir to the throne of Gondor. You owe him your allegiance!!!"  
  
Gandalf muttered vaguely, something sounding like "Fool of a Greenleaf."  
  
Boromir had ignored Legolas and was still pretending to be like Isildur, which Legolas couldn't stand. He pulled out his bow and began berserkly shooting arrows at the man. He deflected most of them with his shield, and was finally knocked out when Aragorn hit him over the head with a chair.  
  
Harry was still grossly taking his sock off, and Arwen was trying to make him stop by throwing pieces of the broken table at him. When she ran out of these, she threw pieces of Narsil.  
  
One of them succeeded in knocking Harry out, and he landed on Ron, who fainted. Hermione, outraged, sprang towards Arwen to poke her eyes out with her wand.  
  
"Go little stick bearing girl!!" cheered Eowyn.  
  
"Excuse me, you're supposed to be on my side!" said Arwen, fending the rabid witch off.  
  
"Are you kidding?" Eowyn asked, "And prevent her from killing you? Nuh uh!"  
  
Inspired by the women, Pippin attacked Frodo- he liked fudge. Merry decided to help by holding Sam back. Fred and George, attracted by the violence, began hitting poor Sam. The three other Hobbits, outraged, began beating the Weasley twins up.  
  
Hagrid realized Dumbledore was in danger of being knocked out as well, so he picked the old man up and began carrying him somewhere else.  
  
"My bird!" screeched the Headmaster, "Don't leave the bird! It'll have a short circuit!!"  
  
Cedric Diggory and Percy Weasley both got up to save the bird, and got into a fist fight over it.  
  
In short, there was chaos.  
A chaotic ending. whatever will happen next? Will the story, perhaps, develop a plot??  
  
Wait and see!!! 


	2. The chaos continues

Back after a REAL long delay, but ha! The school term is finally over!! Which means- nothing to do for 5 months!! Whoo hoo!! Thanks to all the wonderful and patient reviewers, and sorry for taking so long!!!  
  
Screaming and shouting could be heard a mile away from the room. The majority of its constituents were unconscious. The rest of them were beating each other up. Finally, with a bang from the end of his wand, Dumbledore silenced them, waking all those who had been knocked out.  
  
"YOU SHALL NOT BANG!" shrieked Gandalf at the other wizard.  
  
"He'll bang if he wants ter!" yelled Hagrid.  
  
"No he won't!" yelled Gandalf.  
  
This started the fight all over again. In the midst of the kicking and screaming, Eowyn moved discreetly to the spot where Arwen was, and punched her in the nose.  
  
"Don't hit my little girl, Mr. Eowyn," said Elrond menacingly.  
  
"I beg your pardon?" asked an insulted Lady Eowyn.  
  
"Um, sorry," replied the Elven lord too late, as the lady of Rohan began pulling his hair and hitting him with his little crown thing.  
  
The chaos had reigned again.  
  
Suddenly the door banged open. The occupants of the room shielded their eyes as two glowing figures emerged from the hall outside.  
  
"It's Celeborn and Galadriel!" cried Gimli in glee.  
  
"No," said a voice. As they watched, the two figures merged into one, and began glowing more.  
  
"That's it!" moaned Boromir. "Now I'm dead AND blind!"  
  
Legolas gasped. He then dove under the remains of the table. "It's Mary Sue!" he cried.  
  
The figure, now not glowing anymore, glared at him. It was a tall, slender, beautiful Elven maiden. Luthien Tinuviel.  
  
"I am Luthien Tinuviel, Elven princess extraordinaire," she said serenely, "And please do hurry this up, I've got cookies baking!"  
  
"You do?" asked Pippin excitedly.  
  
"You're Luthien Tinuviel?" asked Hermione. "Weren't you the commentator at the Final of the Fantasy Cup? Weren't there two of you?"  
  
"Why're you asking so many questions, Miss Granger?" asked Snape menacingly. "Worried about not knowing so much?"  
  
"We are now one," Luthien said, " And we are slightly annoyed."  
  
She looked at Boromir, who was rolling about on the floor, moaning that he couldn't see.  
  
"I am to be the commentator for the Olympics, this time to be held in-"  
  
"Hogwarts!" exclaimed Dumbledore.  
  
"Gondor!" exclaimed Aragorn.  
  
Luthien Tinuviel smiled at the Ranger. "As much as I would have liked to agree with Aragorn-" she began, but Harry yelled dumbly, "Partiality! It should be in Hogwarts because I, great, cute, brave and loyal Harry Potter says so!"  
  
Luthien Tinuviel turned to the boy. Serene and calm as she looked, there was a spark in her eye that showed she was no less than what she was when she was two people.  
  
"Tatooine," she said curtly. She turned to the others. "The Olympics will be on the Outer Rim planet of Tatooine. You will have three weeks to prepare yourself. A paper will be put up on the central billboard where you can find out what other activities the Olympics will consist of. Prepare well, and," she turned to the Hogwarts gang, "No cheating!"  
  
She turned and left, after glowing some more.  
  
The two groups of people of various species looked at each other.  
  
"I guess we will be facing each other once more, Albus," said Gandalf.  
  
"Yes, we will be," said Dumbledore gravely. "We will play fairly if you do."  
  
"We will if you will," said Gandalf.  
  
"We will."  
  
"Then we will," Gandalf said.  
  
"Good," said Dumbledore. "So, where's the central billboard anyway?"  
  
This signaled more chaos, as both teams rammed into each other from two sides of the room, like in a game of American football, to get to the opposite side of the room where they presumed the billboard was.  
  
Amid the chaos, Pippin yelled, "Merry!"  
  
"What?" yelled Merry.  
  
"I know where it is!" Pippin yelled back.  
  
"Where is it, Pip?" Merry yelled.  
  
"The Central Bilbo's in Rivendell!" Pippin yelled triumphantly.  
  
"Fool of a Took!" exclaimed Gandalf, whacking Pippin on the head. "Bill- BOARD! Not BILBO!"  
  
"Oh," said Pippin faintly. "I knew that!"  
  
The door burst open again, and everyone stopped. Luthien Tinuviel was standing there again, looking furious.  
  
"I burnt three batches of cookies for Beren to explain stuff to you lot!" she exclaimed. "And you're still fighting! The central billboard is right there!" She pointed to the wall, where, in huge red letters it spelt, 'THE CENTRAL BILLBOARD.'  
  
"Oooh," said everyone. Before there could be another mad dash to get to it, Luthien Tinuviel said, "Cedric, Boromir you read it out."  
  
"Why them?" asked Harry and Frodo at the same time. The two protagonists began a staring contest, which Frodo won courtesy of his ultra large eyes.  
  
"Because we're dead!" said Cedric, smiling at Boromir. The man of Gondor did not return the smile. "Some people like it!" exclaimed Cedric.  
  
The two of them went towards the central billboard and read out the following-  
  
Track events- running in large circles  
  
Shot Put, Javelin, Hammer throw  
  
Long Jump, High Jump and Deep Jump  
  
Football  
  
Pod Racing  
  
Bantha Riding  
  
Lightsabre Duelling  
  
"Is that it?" asked Boromir.  
  
"What's a Bantha? What's a Pod? What's a lightsabre?" asked Pippin at a hyper-fast rate. "Can we eat any of the above?"  
  
"All shall be explained in this," said Luthien Tinuviel, handing Gandalf and Dumbledore two gigantic books. "The rules, regulations and all that nonsense. Have fun!"  
  
Gandalf immediately began poring into the book, occasionally reading stuff out loud to no one in particular.  
  
"Only two events per Elf," he read, shocked. "No!"  
  
The Hogwarts crew sniggered evilly at this. With Legolas and Arwen restricted to only two events, they'd have a tiny bit of hope. Or so they thought- until Gandalf triumphantly read, "No magic whatsoever!"  
  
"WHAT?" bellowed all the wizards so loudly that Elrond, Arwen and Legolas fainted due to the impact on their highly sensitive ears.  
  
"Heh," said Aragorn, more out of delight at seeing Arwen's unconscious form than at the information. "No magic."  
  
Dumbledore shook his head gravely. "We shall win anyway. We are the better team."  
  
"Oh please!" scoffed Gimli. "You couldn't be a better team if one hit you on the head!"  
  
There was silence as everyone stared at Gimli, trying to make sense out of what he had just said.  
  
"It's an 'in' joke with the Dwarves in Moria," said Gimli with a chuckle.  
  
"They're dead!" muttered Boromir. "They're ALL DEAD!! EVERYONE'S DEAD!! I'M DEAD! PRETTY BOY THERE'S DEAD!! DEAD! DEAD!! DEAD!!!!" He proceeded to take hold of his shield and began bonking his head on it.  
  
"He's got some issues," said George Weasley, watching the poor crazy man.  
  
"Well, come on," said Aragorn, as he and Gandalf picked Boromir up and took him out of the room. Merry, Pippin, Sam and Gimli dragged the unconscious Elves out of the room, two Hobbits required for Elrond, whose cloak had caught onto the splintered remains of the table. Frodo walked broodily behind them, concentrating on getting the fudge un-stuck. Eowyn brought up the rear, stepping on Arwen every chance she got and throwing dirty looks at Elrond as well.  
  
"Mr. Eowyn indeed!" she muttered darkly.  
  
"See you in three weeks!" called Aragorn, as the two teams parted.  
  
As soon as the Middle-Earthians were out of the room, Albus Dumbledore turned to his colleagues and students, and began rubbing his hands together with a wholly evil grin.  
  
"Heh, heh," he said gravely.  
  
What is that old coot up to now? Wait and see as the two teams begin their extensive training!! Please do review and tell me what you think of the 'games'! 


	3. Dumbledore and his plan

At last, charged and heartened by your ultra sweet and cheer-upping reviews, I return to the fanfiction scene, and may no one stand in the way of LUTHIEN TINUVIEL!! Muahahaha!! Right, now that that's out of my system, on with the show!  
  
In Middle Earth, the Olympic Team began training like mad- swimming across the Anduin, riding Oliphaunts brought in from the South, and even living in Harad for a while, just to see what happened. Aragorn put Faramir in charge of his kingdom, much to Boromir's disgust.  
  
"Why can't I be Ki- I mean, Steward?" he whined.  
  
"Because you're dead," Aragorn replied, ignoring the stuck out tongue of the other man.  
  
Even the Hobbits practiced getting into shape- Frodo turned out to be an excellent Long Jumper, having had practice trying to get onto rafts on the Brandywine while being chased by servants of the Dark Lord.  
  
Meanwhile, in the Wizarding world.  
  
Dumbledore pulled a large lever on the wall, revealing a secret lab full of strange bubbling things. He led his team to an area of the lab where there sat a large, empty cauldron.  
  
"This is my greatest invention!" he announced.  
  
"There's nothing there," Harry pointed out.  
  
"Not yet," said Dumbledore evilly, then instructed the Weasley twins to get him two large bags that he'd put in a corner. He emptied them in, and the watchers noticed that one bag said 'SUGAR' and the other, 'SPICE'.  
  
"Oh my God!" cried Professor McGonagall, clutching her heart, "Albus, surely."  
  
"Professor!" Hermione exclaimed, "Isn't what I intelligently know you are doing rather dangerous?"  
  
"Yes," hissed the Headmaster, "But it's worth it." He emptied the bags into the cauldron, then got another sack from somewhere. It was pretty and pink and had little hearts and flowers and stars on it, and the words 'EVERYTHING NICE'. He threw the sack itself into the cauldron, then reached into his robes and drew out a bottle of something. It was a strange, glittery liquid that changed colour from pink to purple to silver to gold to turquoise and a million others at the speed of light.  
  
"Chemical S!" Dumbledore declared.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Cedric, who knew only too well what that last ingredient indicated. "Don't do it, Professor Headmaster Dumbledore Sir! Don't do it!!!"  
  
"Shut up, dead boy," snapped Snape, and the statement hurt Cedric so much that he ran away in tears.  
  
Dumbledore continued, emptying the entire bottle of 'Chemical S' into the cauldron and causing a small, but not harmful explosion. The smell of the most alluring perfume known to life on earth filled the room as out from the cauldron emerged-  
  
"Mary Sue," Dumbledore announced dreamily. It was true. The Headmaster had created the world's most perfect life form, a Mary Sue. This specimen of near nauseating perfection had waist length golden hair that shone as the sun on the first morning of summer, and eyes the colour of the calm sea on which great ships sail in the gentle wind, her voice had the quality and tone that enters the heart and captures the soul. She came from the cauldron bathed in a silvery glow like moonlight on a sandy beach, and she was clothed in robes of the finest silks, of colours that words cannot describe. Needless to say, she was perfect. And had pointy ears.  
  
"Ooohhh," said the gathering.  
  
"Hello," she said in a perfect voice that sounded like the tinkling of tiny silver bells in the dawn, that charmed them all.  
  
"What are you going to do with her?" McGonagall asked, unimpressed.  
  
Dumbledore pulled out his wand and pointed it at a wall. "Creatus Portalus!" he said, and a portal shimmered in front of them. He went to the Mary Sue and said, "You are shunned by your family because of your matchless beauty and in running away from them you stumbled through this portal."  
  
Tears filled in the Sue's eyes. "I really cared for my parents, even though they did not return my love and affection. but I feel as though I belong somewhere else, and long to be where I am from."  
  
"Good," smiled Dumbledore, "Now, off you go!"  
  
The Sue walked into the portal with utmost grace that shamed the purest white swan as it skimmed gently over the still surface of a glistening lake.  
  
"Yes, yes, get on with it!" snapped Professor McGonagall impatiently.  
  
"I have a question," said Percy Weasley importantly, "Is creating prefect- I mean- perfect beings against the rules, by any chance? We wouldn't want to be cheating, now, would we, Headmaster sir?"  
  
"WHO CARES??" bellowed Dumbledore, "I HAVE BEEN WANTING TO KICK THAT GANDALF GUY'S BACKSIDE EVER SINCE THEY CREAMED US AT THE WORLD CUP! IF WE HAVE TO CHEAT TO WIN, THEN WE CHEAT TO WIN!! GOT IT, WEASLEY??"  
  
Percy gulped, then took a deep breath and said, "Er, but I'm a perfect, I mean I'm a Prefect, and if I break the rules, then."  
  
"Percy," said the Weasley twins at the same time, "You're not a prefect any more."  
  
"Wicked," said Ron in admiring tones, "I love it when people speak in unison!"  
  
"Oh, do shut up, Ron!" said Hermione, hitting him over the head with the cauldron, showing that people with bushy hair are actually hiding Herculean strength. Unfortunately, this cauldron still had the Mary Sue Potion in it, and some of it spilled on Ron. Immediately, sparks flew from the inside of it, and Ron Weasley got transformed into a-  
  
"Male Mary Sue?" gasped Hermione, realizing that the Ron standing before her was nothing short of gorgeous.  
  
"I have heard of such things happening before," said Ron intelligently, "It only occurs at certain astronomical periods of time when the magical field is magnified to make transformation of a defective being into a faultless one."  
  
"Oh," said Harry stupidly, "I knew that all the time! I'm already perfect, so the potion would have no effect on me, of course."  
  
This statement was purely false, so in accordance with an ancient prophecy (that goes 'When an idiot declares a falsehood in the presence of perfection. he shall be squashed by a falling elephant.'), a giant elephant landed on him. Out of the ceiling. Inside a castle.  
  
"Thus is the prophecy fulfilled," said Ron sagely.  
  
Now, back to Middle Earth, where an unexpecting Legolas is drying his hair with a Valar powered hair dryer, singing one of his favourite Elven songs- one he'd written himself, in fact.  
  
"And I said this is no mere ranger,  
  
And Bors knew he was in danger!  
  
I said he's Aragorn, son of Arathorn,  
  
Out there in that cold Rivendell morn,  
  
And ol' Boromir gasped- he didn't have a chance  
  
'Cuz he owed Strider his- ALLEGIANCE!"  
  
He set down his hair dryer and did a little air- harp (like an air guitar, but more Elven) routine to go with the song, then whirled around when he heard something that sounded like bells.  
  
He gasped. "My ears are ringing! I knew I shouldn't have used that cheap hairdryer! But Arwen always takes the good-" He heard the bell like sound again and realized it was someone singing.  
  
The expression of annoyance that had come on his face at the thought of someone trying to outdo him faded into one of dazedness. He floated out towards the source of the voice.  
  
Oh no! What has Dumbledore done? Has the Sue ensnared ol' Leggie? Or will justice and the power of good prevail over bad cheaters? Will Ron be hotter than even Figwit? Find out when the chronicles continue!! 


End file.
